No secret North Dakota has been making the news lately: we’re either full of oil or have the lowest unemployment rate, have the best economy or budget surplus. What North Dakota has is a shitpile of jobs and not a lot of people to fill them. Why? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s the terrible weather. Maybe it’s that hey….it’s North Dakota. Nobody wants to live here, nobody! Those that are stuck go ahead and give you their story about North Dakota nice and how it’s just so freakin’ wonderful here. And then they complain and bitch that their families are here and they’ve nowhere else to go. But I digress. Want to know why nobody wants to live here? The reason is two-fold:
A. North Dakota is terribly unwelcome to strangers. If we didn’t go to high school with you, grow up with you, if you might say shit that makes us uncomfortable, we don’t want you. Yeah, it’s cold in the winter–keeps the riff-raff out. Yeah, we’re nice to each other as long a we abide by a long list of unwritten rules. Those rules include women are minorities, no rights for gays and gay marriage? Bah! That’s not what my Catholic church said. Yeah, I’ve lived here my whole life. My ancestors came from Norway. Shit was bad when they left Norway. I hear it’s nice there now, but again, I digress.
2. When you live in North Dakota, you never seem to hear about how dangerous it is to live and work in North Dakota. The reason there’s so many unfilled jobs? The reason is nobody wants to move here no matter how “legendary” or what a “great place to raise a family” it is. People die here.
So, come to North Dakota. We have tons of jobs. Oh, that report that lists the deadliest states to work in the country? Ignore that. We’ll pay you well until you die on the job. That’s what’s important. Really. North Dakota is wonderful. Move here. Work here.
If you don’t feel like clicking the link, here ya go:
“North Dakota continues to stand out as an exceptionally dangerous and deadly place to work. For the third year in a row, North Dakota had the highest job fatality rate in the nation. The state’s job fatality rate of 14.9 per 100,000 was more than four times the national average and its fatality rate and number of deaths have more than doubled since 2007.”
No big whoop. We take care of those rich folks that came from out of state to give you deadly jobs. We’re saving money to one day help people by charging the oil companies not nearly enough to kill our state. We won’t help you until you bitch about it, but hey, that’s how we got the budget surplus. But come here anyway. We dare you.